Yes, modern weddings and modern people have lost track of the meaning of wedding etiquette; who pays for what, what is the current protocol, how to deal with tradition, is it ok to break it, etc etc. The last thing we want to worry about is money, being as it is a constant hassle throughout the wedding planning. Paying for different portions of the big event is something that eventually we have to deal with, and knowing how to approach it is.. well, the best approach, really!
First things first. Do not let this become another added worry to your planning. People deal with this issue all the time and things DO GET resolved. So, give yourself a pat on the back for having gone through the adventure of getting the whole thing together in what will be a very successful day (we don’t doubt it), and deal with the economical situation in a calm and very relaxed manner.
Remember that your goal really is to define your budget well, trying not to overspend and setting who’s paying for what before you start so you know where you stand and therefore avoiding conflict.
Structure and budget – The Traditional Way
**Tradition can serve you as a “guideline” and nothing here is a “must” as there are really no rules, just suggestions**
So, tradition says that the father of the bride is in charge of the expenses. Newlyweds don’t like to add this bulk on to the bride’s parents and so nowadays many couples prefer to pay for most of the wedding (plus it gives them the freedom to have whatever they want without added pressure).
- Bride’s Father (or Parents) -
Stationery
Wedding invitations and any expenses involved like posting
Food menus and everything involved around it (place cards, seating plan, etc)
Dresses
The wedding dress and all necessary accessories
All bridesmaids dresses and necessary accessories
Outfit for pageboy
Mother of the bride outfit and father of the bride suit
Transport
Any transport decoration
Transport to the ceremony (bride, bride’s parents and bridesmaids)
Transport to the reception (newlyweds, bride’s parents, bridesmaids)
photo credit: Creative Commons
Video
Video and photographs
Venues / General Decor / Flowers
Any flowers at the church
Wedding reception decorations
Bouquets (bride’s and bridesmaids’)
Venue hiring and general reception costs
Reception
Cake, favours, food and drink, catering and any entertainment
photo credit: Creative Commons
Miscellaneous
Wedding planner fees
Insurance
Any announcements in press
any accommodation for wedding night (close family members)
Gifts for newlyweds
- Bride –
Fiancee’s wedding ring and gift
Any beauty treatments like make up, hairdressers, etc
Wedding gifts for guests
Something old, something new, something borrowed and something bue
Honeymoon clothes
photo credit: Creative Commons
- Groom –
Marriage licensing
His own outfit
Sometimes best man outfit
Ushers outfits
Transport to ceremony for himself and best man
Hotel for wedding night
Honeymoon expenses
Wedding ring and gift for his fiancee
Wedding officiant fee
**Groom’s parents buy their own outfits**
Informal or Modern Weddings – Non Traditional Way
The above is somewhat old-fashion and it doesn’t really have to be this way. Anymore. Nowadays everybody likes to pay for their own wedding as it can be a real burden for the parents. Things have changed and people are not getting married at such young ages any longer – many people are already working when they decide to get married and although it is likely that parents want to contribute to the costs, you can still respect this but also pay for most of the expenses that will incur.
As the bride, ask your parents how they feel about it. Have a general discussion with them. Expenses can be distributed between both families. Whatever you decide to do in the end, make sure that everything is very clear from the beginning. In terms of wedding etiquette, who pays for what is really up to discussion and a very open matter nowadays.
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